The Night Before Christmas: The Future is Wild Edition
by Timeflyer 31
Summary: Somewhat of a crack fiction; you've been warned. Also, I apologize for the layout of the story and hopefully I can correct the formatting to the appropriate layout where it's easier to read. Until then, please enjoy :)


_Note: WHAT THE HECK AM I WRITING?! XD Ah well, please enjoy this semi-crack fic, Time and Space included! ^_^_

Ethan, Emily, C.G, Luis, Linus, Time, Space, and even Squibby were all gathered at C.G's house for a little Christmas get-together. Cookies were set out, soft music played, and mistletoe hung about in strategic spots. The mentioned humans had gathered and perched on the sofa and chairs set out for the occasion. After much asking and a shy plea from C.G, the small group had convinced Emily to tell 'The Night before Christmas' story.  
Not surprisingly, C.G and her father Linus hadn't heard it yet. It had been lost to human history sadly as civilizations advanced. Emily however had it memorized by heart. She cleared her throat and began to recite: "Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse-," "Thank god, I hate mice." Luis shuddered. Space rolled her eyes. "What are you NOT scared of?" "Lots of people are scared of mice; it's normal," C.G said in his defense. "I had a mouse for a pet when I was a kid….." Ethan murmured, staring into space. "Then he died." Emily cleared her throat again. "May I please continue?" she asked. The others except C.G shrugged. A sigh and she continued to recite: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in-," interrupted once again, "As opposed to what?" Linus asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow. "They were hung with carelessness?" Space nodded sarcastically. "Yeah, they just sort of threw them near the chimney." "That's a fire hazard," C.G said. "AHEM." Emily glared and continued: "In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads-," "Sugar plums….what the heck are those anyways?" Ethan asked. "It's a candied prune," Time replied. "Yuck!" Luis made a face. "Why would you want to be dreaming about that?!" Emily glanced down at Luis, silencing him, then she continued: "And mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap." "Ceege wears a 'kerchief?" Ethan chuckled. "Just shut up and listen," Time shushed. "When out on the roof, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter-," "What is that?" C.G asked, hand raised. "What's what?" Luis chimed in. "A Rose Suchak Ladder?" C.G repeated. Space gathered C.G's face in her large hand gently. "AROSE. SUCH. A. CLADDER." she carefully enunciated each word. "Well why did Emily not just say that?!" C.G huffed. Emily sighed once again. "Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash!" "You threw up WHAT?!" Linus was completely confused. "The sash," Emily replied. "Well what did you eat that for?!" Linus raised another eyebrow. Time face palmed: "The sash was like the window frame or the curtain or something. They 'threw it up' meaning that they lifted it quickly." "Ohh…" half of the room said. "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the lustre of midday to objects below. When what to wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer." Ethan began counting on his fingers: "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen….that's only eight." "There WERE only eight," Emily gritted her teeth. "What about Rudolph?!" Luis asked, appalled. "Who?" C.G titled her head to the side. Squibby warbled in glee as he watched his hairy heads communicate with each in an intense manner. "Can we move on and not interrupt the story for five seconds?!" Emily asked exasperatingly before continuing on: "With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick." Space scoffed. "Yeah, or any drunk old geezer who found himself a sleigh and reindeer." All eyes turned to her. "What?" She shrugged. Emily sighed again for the umpteenth time. "Good Lord, how do I get into these things? Now where was I? Ah, yes, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came-," "That's faster than Time or Space can strike," C.G speculated. "-And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: 'Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen! To top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" Linus smiled. "Finally. The end to a very implausible tale." "Hate to disappoint you but that's not the end," Space said flatly. "Dang." Emily rolled her eyes. "As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they met an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the house-top the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too." "This is a confusing story," C.G remarked with her father nodding in agreement. "And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound." "Bound, bound, bound, and rebound! And you're up right next to the sky, and I think you can do it if you give it a try!" Ethan sang. "Shh…." Time hushed. "He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot." "Well after going down all those chimneys, I'd image so," Luis shuddered at the thought of all the dirt. Space snorted. "Try removing rust stains." "Guys? The story?" Emily reminded. "A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples-how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry." "That's what peddlers look like?" C.G tilted her head again. Space slapped her forehead. "Someone find me some duct tape so I can shut all of you up!" "His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow-," "Nothing though compares to the beauty of Space's white and purple wings," Linus said. "They're so lovely in the sunlight and gorgeous in the winter…." Luis swooned. The others except Emily and Ethan agreed, and Space purred at the sudden attention she was receiving. A glare from her chosen one however had her send small electric shocks to refocus everyone. Emily moved on: "The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth, and smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly." "Never in my life have I seen a bowl of jelly laughing." Luis said. "Except for when Ethan eats a lot and his belly is distended and I say something to make him laugh," Ethan shoved Luis. Luis shoved back as the others stifled their laughter. "He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf-," "NO! ELVES MAKE THE TOYS! THEY'VE GOT THAT SENTENCE WRONG!" Time exclaimed. "JUST SHUT UP PLEASE!" Emily shouted and no one spoke. With a huff: "Right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread." "What does that mean?" C.G asked. Emily glared harshly. "Hush, and let me finish this crazy story!" "Yeah, what if he was a threat actually? Stranger danger!" Ethan started blowing obnoxiously on a whistle he kept with him in case of emergencies. "For the love of all that is holy!" Space snapped and snatched the whistle away. The others rolled their eyes and Emily said: "He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying a finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose-," "INSIDE OF HIS NOSE?!" Ethan exclaimed. "Come on, who wrote this?! We're trying to teach the kids not to pick their-!" "ASIDE of his nose you idiot, not INSIDE." Luis smacked his arm. Emily at this point looked like she was sprouting a massive headache, so Time wisely took over and finished: "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim 'ere he drove out of sight, 'Happy Christmas to all! And to all a good night!' And thank god and all the universe itself, we've reached the end of this story!" They all were silent for a good five minutes, then Linus spoke: "I believe that the fellow in the story is intoxicated. I can see why this story was lost to humankind. I mean, dreaming about prunes, running to the windows, and watching this crazy elf person stuff toys into the socks hanging over the fire to dry; then he starts to throw up sash or whatever. A bad hallucination?" Everyone shot him weird and strange looks.  
As for Squibby, the terrasquid had given up trying to gain attention and gone to sleep nearby Emily.

**Author's note: and unfortunately that's where it ends my friends! It's a little choppy and needs more work done on it but nevertheless I thought I'd share! Thanks for reading! Please enjoy the coming stories as well!**

**Reviews welcome,**

**Timeflyer31**


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